Wednesday, November 11, 2009
well after the hell that was O levels, i (and many other singaporean youths) am free!!! so of course the first thing that came to my mind was blogging about coolio doods so my adoring fans can read my humourous opinions!...well ok actually it was more like the...millionth thing, but i didn't forget about this ok! anyways, here we go.
why do people party? well obviously it's to be with their friends, jump around, have fun and drink drinks that have funny names. That's all well and good, but why is it that only socially "cool" people party? why don't geeks, nerds and so called uncool people party? surely they have friends to be with and surely they like to have fun right?
personally, i fall into the geek/nerd/uncool person category, i don't enjoy partying at clubs, i don't enjoy loud thumping music, jumping around, being squeezed in with a huge crowd of attractive people and paying exorbitant amounts of money for a small glass of something. In fact, if i were to go to a party, my gloom and stubborn behaviour would probably be a huge wet blanket.(speaking of wet blanket, ever wonder how the expression came about?)
but i digress, this isn't about me. this is actually about something far more important. why is partying seen as cool? why is it that people who appear at parties are so awesomely cool? and this actually brings about another problem. uncool people who go to parties are suddenly accepted by everyone in the cool crowd. now i don't know about you, but that just doesn't sit right with me.
this means that many many many people are going to go partying, JUST TO BE COOL, now if you ask me....thats just...not very cool at all. what's the point of being cool if you're just going to lose yourself in the process? have people forgotten how to be themselves? are all the teenagers in the world really THAT superficial? well no, that's not true. but the amount of people who are going just cause it's cool is alarmingly high.
don't get me wrong, i have no problems with people partying. only the ones who are going to "see and be seen" that's just ridiculous.
of course this all has to link back to coolio doods right? well it's true, coolio doods will usually party. it's the cool, fun, socially accepted thing to do. and if they want to do that, fine by me. but this time, it's the wannabes i have a problem with. they are some people who really really enjoy jumping around in a crowd of people and drinking funny drinks in a dark, hot room with loud thumping music, i'm fine with that. but for the one's who are just.....going. well they should just stop it. they really need to stop and ask themselves "is this really who i am?" and they need to be totally truthful with themselves.
obviously i'm going on about this because of the "M" party thing that's going on after my school's grad night. so for those who are going, well i hope you have the best of times. for those just going there to be seen and cause it's socially accepted, ask yourself who you really are. and for those you aren't going, i salute you.
me? well i'll be at home with my best friends. My keyboard, my mouse, my wii and my plastic guitar.
James :~: 8:51 PM
Sunday, September 20, 2009
as we all know, coolio doods are no doubt at the fore front of coolness and fashion and blah. but some people may be puzzled on how to identify a coolio dood on the streets. the easiest way to identify a suspect would be to look at his clothing (whether he's really a coolio dood depends on his personality, that takes more investigation)
but anyway, here i shall attempt to make a guide to identifying coolio dood suspects
starting with
Footwear: Haviana slippers when it's casual (with shorts/bermudas) cause they're cool and fashionable and come in many colours, and as we all know, colours show how sensitive you might be. for actual SHOES, it's converse FTW with coolio doods. especially ones with bright and loud colours, also with different coloured laces. "exotic" materials are also very common (leather, denim etc etc) other than converse shoes, branded sneakers are very very common, pumas, nike, addidas, you name it. BUT the absolute best a coolio dood can get in terms of sneakers would be ONITSUKA TIGERS because....well i dont know, they're "nice" i guess, personally i've never worn a pair, but whatever, they're cool, isn't that all that matters to kids nowadays?
Pants: skinny jeans! because they show off they're sexy, fit and attractive legs! either that, or bermudas! because.....ok this is another one i can't explain, but i guess EVERYONE wears bermudas right? but still, when a coolio dood wears it, it's SO different because he'll be COOL when he's wearing it, showing off his tanned calves and stuff.
Belts: hmmm......not just any belt, belt's that have a large, ridiculous buckle.....and it's usually shiny....like the peace sign or something. you know, the sort of belt that's there for style's sake, not for holding your pants up
hands/wrists: branded expensive watches, leather or metal, no cheap plastic or rubber for coolio doods because they're EXTREMLY CLASSY AND COOOOOL. yeah...they also wear rings sometimes, this is a lot rarer but it still happens, and it's really retarded, but COOL. and wristbands, ok, i honestly thought these things went out of style years ago, but the coolio dodos have proven me wrong! because these bands are so cool and stylish!.......
Torso: Tight Pink T-shirt!! YES THE SORT THAT HOMOSEXUALS WEAR, apparently dressing like a homosexual is cool? hmmm you may call it being fashionable, but homo is homo. so....dont argue. but anyways yes T-shirts! and they must be tight and show they're muscly torso's. also, wearing long sleeved formal shirts with bermudas.....that just always looked wrong to me. and finally to top it all off, be "formal" by putting on a VEST. YES PEOPLE, A VEST IS CONSIDERED FORMAL IN COOLIO DOOD TERMS. no i'm sorry, just put a proper coat on.
Neckwear: hmm.....i dont know about this, but i'm sure there's an idiot out there running around with some nonsensical necklace that means...something stupid.....
Face: hmm once again....not much here... sunglass maybe? but thats rarer than other things. piercings? thats for the more hardcore coolio doods i guess, cause poking random holes in yourself is cool.....thats just retarded.
Headwear: ahh this is an interesting one. CAPS AND FEDORAS, yes caps and fedoras are just super super uber cool. and they're cool EVERYWHERE, no matter the situation, no matter what event, it's COOL. also, the cap should also say something meaningful...or witty.....bright colours are also good for caps.
ok i think that about covers everything, if i missed anything out, please leave a comment. if you feel offended, or if you find my writing super lousy (language-wise) please leave a comment. (and a good comment please, i dont want any sarcastic crap.....like the english exam..all the barker boys would know.)
and once again, i'd like to remind you all that this isn't exhaustive at all, it's just me, making a very valid point.
until next time
James :~: 10:50 PM
Tuesday, September 1, 2009
hello hello
it's been a pretty long while, but with exams and such, i haven't really had time to do another chapter since i've been busy mugging super hard! (hmmmm)
so anyway, here we go.
Coolio doods are bi-sexual, why do i say this? we-lllll, when i see pictures of guys hanging around on a couch in nothing but their boxers, i'm really have no choice but to assume that their bi-sexual. I mean, what other conclusion is there? sure it might be more comfortable ( i dont know personally because TIGHTY WHITIES FTW) but seriously, isn't it slighty homo-sexual to do that? I KNOW they're not exactly throwing themselves on each other in a homo-sexual manner, but.....still, it IS very gay to do that no?
but of course, it's alright for coolio doods to do this. my question is, why is this? is it because simply they are buff and attractive therefore are allowed to parade around in their undies? and that still doesn't answer the homo-sexuality question. but of course i suppose it's SO MANLY TO HANG AROUND IN BOXERS BECAUSE THEY'RE SURROUNDED BY EACH OTHERS TESTOSTERONE. personally, i dont buy that for a moment.
ok, notice that i've been calling them homos? but this chapter is titled Bi-sexuals? ok, it seems that coolio doods are allowed to hang around in their boxers and look really gay, and yet, they're not gay cause they still go looking for girls. the sad thing is girls seem to respond to this sort of behaviour. my question is, WHY!?!?!
girls, if you see a group of guys hanging around in boxers, you'd say they're gay right? (please say yes if you're reading this) SO WHY THROW YOURSELVES AT THEM? like seriously, if a guy is gay....naturally you wouldn't right?....so why is this? i really dont know, it's a really interesting phenomenon really......
so in conclusion, hanging around in boxers is cool, nope, it's not gay, it's cool. but wait up! all you g33ks and nerds reading! DONT TRY THAT THE NEXT TIME YOU GO OVER TO YOUR FRIENDS PLACE FOR A .....WOW DUNGEON RAID THING! This is becauseeee, it's only cool to hang around half naked if you're buff, attractive, tanned and most of all, A COOLIO DOOD.
now before i go, i'd like to reiterate a certain point. the point that, i dont hate coolio doods, yes i am writing about them, and yes i dont really like these actions they do. HOWEVER, not all coolio doods are assholes (those are called douchebags), and i do NOT hate them, yes indeed i do have coolio dood friends and yes indeed they ARE nice people.
and girls, i'm not saying you're sluts by saying you throw yourself at them, it's just a.....humourous illustration.
so all in all, read this with a light heart and dont take it too seriously, in the end, this isn't an exhaustive case study, it's the ramblings of an irritated 16 year old g33k.
(on second thought, take it HALF seriously, it's not ALL a joke ok!)
and as always, CONSTRUCTIVE criticism and suggestions are always greatly appreciated, so leave a comment!
until next time
James :~: 10:03 PM
like i said last time, not all coolio doods are assholes, and i dont hate them all. i just hate those that are total douches. they think they rule the world and that everyone owe's them something. i mean seriously, grow up, the world doesn't owe you anything.
now theese coolio doods think they can do what they want, when they want. they only play by they're own rules, now thats just damn irritating. like seriously, you're only human just like anyone of us, you're in no way better than us. and just because you play a sport, have huge muscles, dress in pink clothing, wear silly hats, and take "deep" pictures, doesn't make you any better than us.
on the other hand, there are nice coolio doods, these are the people that are my friends, or i think seem pretty nice. of course, the only thing wrong with them is that...well they're coolio doods. and yes, that means that they probably wear silly hats, play cool games, and take stupid pictures.
ok, after i did the chapter on the colour pink, i realise it's really really hard to dedicate 1 post to 1 certain aspect of a coolio dood, i just dont have enough material, and everytime i start writing a post, my mind mysteriously (and irritatingly) goes blank. so like my first chapter, i'll list out some other points about coolio doods
now i've already written about how coolio doods play the guitar, play a sport, go clubbing, wear silly hats and wear pink clothing.
i didn't include the "knows more than 1 girl" point because after the writing of the first post, i realised that's a idiotic and childish point from me...and it's very untrue since you have to be a totaly introvert, or a boo radley, not to know any girls.
ok so anyway, among the things listed above, there are plenty more characteristics of a coolio dood.
1)they love taking "deep photos"
2)they play only certain games, and not all the time
ok, next time you walk down orchard road, try and see all the people carrying DSLR cameras, now i'll bet with you that less than half the people are serious photographers, most of the time, they're idiot coolio doods trying to look cool. you know, "look at me, i need to carry my camera with 2 hands, i'm so prozxzxz (or 1337)" now personally, i was never a camera person, when i look at a picture, i just go..."thats nice" and i really can't see any dynamic in photos and art in general. but coolio doods will go to great length to show you how great and deep they're photo is.
look at this photo
done? ok if you ask me, all i see is a solitary park bench, if you interrogate me further, i'll probably say the picture looks sad.
now lets just say a coolio dood took this photo,if you ask him what it means, he'll probably say something like this
"the picture is a window to my mind, soul and heart, the barren land represents my mind,
it is desolate and empty, life has become meaningless for me. the bench represents my heart, solitary and alone, i am alone, there is only myself, the world has left me. the tree represents my soul, it is alone and bare, i am alive, only barely. there is no one, i am alone."
ok i know i might be exaggerating slightly. and yes, when coolio doods take pictures, i KNOW they dont explain them. but still, you KNOW that they're thinking all that in their head and congratulating themselves for being so deep.
ok now besides that, there's the issue of videogames.
coolio dood gamers only play trendy "in" games, such as DOTA (not so much now) L4D, umm WOW, Guitar Hero...and some other things.
the difference between real gamers and coolio dood gamers is this, real gamers will know about a game wayy before time, if they're interested, they'll follow it all the way until release, read some reviews, and buy it. and it doesn't have to be a big game, it can be any random ridiculous sounding game. coolio dood gamers buy games cause it's cool to, they play games cause all of their coolio dood friends are playing. and it's ALWAYS a big, famous, AAA title. a game that everyone plays, it's never and obscure game that not many people play.
thats the thing you see, coolio dood gamers think small obscure games a crap, and thats just not true, and it really irritates the hell out of me when i talk about a game, and someone says it sounds like shit, cause it's just not. just cause you haven't seen it in the news or on billboards, doesn't mean it's crap.
real gamers are really interested in games, coolio doods are just....well they say they like gaming cause it's fun, but really.....it's just being cool to them.
now that ends this chapter, any suggestions for future chapters and comments on my writing in general will be greatly appreciated...unless you're telling me nonsense. (jevon i'm looking at you)
James :~: 10:58 PM
If there's one true definition for a coolio dood, it's this : A teenage boy who does certain things and engages in certain activities because it's so cool, and because they think it'll make them totally cool.
But thats the thing, i dont hate all coolio doods, i have friends who are definitely coolio doods, they are my friends right? so obviously i dont hate them. but the ones that i hate are the ones who think they own the world and the world revolves around they're cool attractive bodies.
i hate coolio doods, simply because, well, they're total bastards. they do things cause it's "nice"
for example " i drink beer because beer is nice" yeah no screw you, thats total bullshit. they do it because it makes them so undeniably "cool" or "kewl" or "qoolz"
and it's really sad that people flock to this coolio doods because of they're koolness. why do they? why dont they see past they're stupid facade? it's really really sad that pretty girls launch themselves at these guys and how normal nice guys dont get anyone.
what people need to understand is that coolio doods hang out in packs for a reason, it's because when they're alone, they're totally insecure.
perhaps an even sadder fact is that, no one is born a coolio dood, it is developed and nurtured from young, and once they get to our age, they've built a veneer confidence and coolness that makes them so irresistible.
and finally, perhaps the reason that i despise them so much is that, i am simply envious and jealous of them. sad right?
i guess i'll explain more next time
until then
James :~: 1:07 AM
coolio doods are intruiging things, and since i really really do enjoy writing about them, and also since i dislike them so strongly, i'm gonna continue writing about them.
Today's topic is the girly girly colour that is pink.
Now, when we're all small kids, pink was branded as a typically female colour, why so? well i dont know, we were small kids, we didn't really know any better. But you see, thats the thing, for us to not know anything, and still yet be able to identify the fact that pink is primarily a girl's colour proves that pink is indeed a girl's colour. (no discrimination to girls whatsoever, please dont kill me) So my point is that pink is generally a girl's colour.
However! our good friends the coolio doods have managed to turn this around, claiming that " real men wear pink because they're comfortable with their sexuality". At first, this may seem like a pretty credible argument, but no, trust me it isn't. "pink is a colour for real men" is just a pathetic excuse for them to show how "sensitive" they are. "look i'm wearing pink, i'm feminine and therefore sensitive" and as i explained in my last post, coolio doods love being "sensitive".
and come on, besides coolio doods, who wears pink shirts? i'll give you a moment to think about that.............................................................YES THATS RIGHT, HOMOSEXUALS! so the coolio doods are just comparing themselves to homosexuals, great right? BUT NOOO, coolio doods are so impeccably cool! so there's no way they're like homosexuals! (no offence to any homos out there, truth be told i'm pretty cool with you lot)
pink? i'm sorry guys, it's a girls colour, and it (most of the time) makes you look gay, and dont even try the "its not a gay pink" argument, pink is pink, and pink is a girl's colour. and i'm sorry, pink can be nice, but it really doesn't make you any more sensitive, or cool, or attractive.
pink is for real men....give me a break
guitar hero is for real men...ahh now there's some truth to that statement..............
James :~: 9:05 PM
Prelims are in 3 or so weeks, as usual i'm really not prepared, but i guess i'm a little bit more prepared than my mid years. so lets all hope i avoid another 40 point disaster.
school's been a real drag, i know i say that a lot, but seriously it's a lot worse now. sitting in the same spot the whole day, and the days are so hot now, it's really difficult to sleep in class without getting your whole shirt soaked. so..yeah thats why i dont sleep in class...right?
so now, on to my main topic for this post, what i call "coolio doods"
now for all those reading this who know me and talk to me frequently, you'd know that i have a huge problem with what i call coolio doods. in case you're seeing this term for the first time, a coolio dood is a guy who
1)plays the guitar - this is probably the first and most important point of a coolio dood
2)plays a sport - not as necessary, but most coolio doods play a sport, tennis is the most coolio dood-ish sport
3)goes clubbing and drinks alcohol - cause we all know how cool clubbing and getting drunk is right? IT SO COOL
4)has more than 1 friend who's a girl - well ok by this age most guys know plenty of girls, but coolio doods go out a lot more with these girls cause....THEY'RE SO COOL
5)wears caps - because flattening hair makes them even more pretty boy-ish
6)have camera's who can hold with 2 hands - cause that makes them look pro and taking photos on weird colours is sensitive
ok actually there's plenty more points, but i really could go all day with this. so anyway, i really cannot stand coolio doods and their drinks and guitar-speak and their pretty girls and their damn confidence.
firstly, their damn guitars, i cannot stand coolio doods who play guitars cause guitars are cool. now you see, i admire people who are really really good, eddie van halen, brian may, kirk hammett, yes they're all awesome and i respect them and their guitar-playing. but i dont respect these guys who play guitars cause it's so cool, and so they can impress people with their "musical talent" and of course there are those who write "music" cause it's so sensitive, then they play they're "music" to their pretty girlfriends cause it's SO sweet.
secondly, partying, ok personally, i dont have a huge problem with partying, i just dont like clubbing and parties in general, but i dont like the fact that they think it's really cool, cause being crammed in a room full of sweaty, drunk, gross people really isn't my idea of cool. maybe it is, and i'm just being unfashionable as usual, and i really wouldn't be surprised if that was the case, but i'm just saying......it doesn't seem all that cool..all this clubbing business
thirdly, their "sensitivity", now as all of you would probably know, teenage boys always always become very different when speaking with girls alone, i know all the teenage boys reading this will all go "NOO JAMES YOU STUPID GAY-BOY THATS NOT TRUE, YOU'RE JUST STUPID SOO STOOPID!" but trust me, it's right, whether they like it or not, it's true. they all suddenly become sweet and nice and they suddenly forget every swear word they know, but seriously, who are you kidding? girls our age are smarter than that!(or at least i like to think they are) they would know that you're just being an idiotic, hormone driven boy. so yes, coolio doods who act sensitive and have irritating msn PM's like "the last goodbye" or "for you, nothing is too much" piss me off so much. i wish they'd just cut the crap, and be a little more honest with themselves and the world around them. YOU'RE A TEENAGE BOY, BE A LITTLE MORE BRAINLESS.
fourthly, the photo's, ok, once again this doesn't apply to all coolio doods, and coolio doods who own camera's are rarer than the usual sort. but yes, these coolio doods will take a picture in black and white about ANYTHING and that anything will become the window to their soul. a good example is : a plain black and white picture of a park bench, the park bench is off-centre. sounds like your typical emo-ish photo right? coolio doods can interpret it a whole different way. "the park bench represents the window to my soul, the leaves on the sidewalk represent the suffering i feel trapped in this monotone world, i am lost, but at the same time, i find myself" see? this sort of pointless crap, what they're telling the world is "LOOK AT ME, I'M SO SENSITIVE AND DEEP OMG I UNDERSTAND SO MANY THINGS" but no, trust me, it doesn't mean anything at all.
ok, i know this doesn't apply to ALL boys, or all sportsmen, or all guitar-players, or hat-wearers. but yes, this species of teenage boy that i call "coolio dood" (scientific name "coolious dooodius extremus stoopiditus") does exist, you see them everywhere, or at least, everywhere around town. for all those reading this, please, don't ever become one.
and so, until next time
James :~: 8:26 PM
